StylisM

They say misery loves company, but who does company love? Could it be loneliness because whenever I am lonely it is always with me? I sit on my bed and think of my life as it unfolds in front of me. My joy my pain the sunshine the rain, is it all in vain. Do the stars in the sky really know I exist? Does the sun shine for me or is it a myth. The grass is greener on the other side, however I will never know. My heart, my mind, my soul is enwrapped in this dark hole. I look around to see what becomes of me. My eyes must be blind because it only sees lonely. My heart feels the love ever so close but darkness overtakes and begins to erase. My soul yearns for more and will not give up without a fight but it is too weak, as the day becomes the night. Who can save me from this abyss of loneliness only one heart one mind one soul has the power to defeat this. Where is such power that is stronger than me within? Where is this hope that will give me the strength to win? Where is the love I so desperately need in my life where is the dream that I want to come to life. Loneliness a disease, a plague, that starts with one. Is there a way out when you are the only ONE?

Confusion and stress
Undeveloped dreams
Fading happiness
Trying to reach out and capture my destiny
Clouds block my view making it impossible to see
Looking back trying to recognize
Unaware of the future
Unaware of the past
So much pain
With no means of escape
Where is the happiness
Please come before its too late
Can’t seem to comprehend
Cant seem to withstand
All the walls that enter my path……

Every night I sat alone in my room. Making myself believe I’m just putting in my time. Good things come to those who wait, to those who ignore the pain and do not try to escape. Realizing that I have everything I need I pour out my heart until it’s almost empty? My dreams my wishes stay filled with desire. I wait…. I wait, to receive my flower. However, sometimes these lonely walls come caving in, releasing pain, anger and clouding my mind from seeing the end. So much emptiness so much pain, I wonder will all this drive me insane. However, I never truly lose sight of my prize it just gets blurred by the tears in my eyes. Staying positive with my head held high, although it’s an everyday struggle I seemed to manage to get by. With so many months of pretending that past me by sometimes even the days I felt if I win I’m still at the loser when the day ends. So during the day when my dreams hold fast I fear the night and all that will come to past. Every night there’s nightmares that haunt my dreams. Almost real well at least that’s the way it seems. My nightmares are filled with reality loneliness, want and desires. But with my nightmares there’s no prize no flower no hope for survival. Let’s just say I tried to with less thoughts of the end and focus on each day to give more a better chance to win. But sometimes, we see, we chase some dreams but only catch nightmares, life can be so mean. So now I sit here all alone in my room with all my dreams, wishes and desires gone. My wishes didn’t come true. My dreams aren’t reality. So I am left with less than I started I guess that what’s meant to be. A cold cold world sitting alone once again wishing and hoping and chasing nightmares again.