StylisM

I lay my head upon the pillow of despair. Asking myself how did I once again get here? I dream big and love strong but once again I’m back to the place where I feel all alone. So is this really my destiny, my heart and mind filled with pain? Is this the only path for me? I stand in the rain in an attempt to drown the fire. However the rains are reminiscent of Hell’s Shower. I look inside to find a piece of the undying me. In hopes to hold on but its only my reflection I see. So here I lay blinded by uncertainty….

As I continue my journey down this path the sun shines on my face. The weather is a perfect blend of light, wind and warmth that restores my faith. I look over the horizon and see my life among the trees as free as bird it flows. Give me more strength to proceed. My obstacles ahead seem so small for what I have already faced. However I will not underestimate the power of the smallest demon I must face. I stroll along thinking of the life I so desire to lead. I remember the mission the province in which I much succeed. My hard times are far from over yet my life’s work is nowhere nearly done. I will endure more pain more suffering but this time I will not be alone. My mind, heart, body and soul will carry each other whenever one falls. No matter what the outcome of the battles a part of me will still stand tall. The deceit of my peers once brought me to tears but the same tears have now made things clear. I see the ones in beside me who stand in front to shield me from the fire and rain. It is their love their desires that shines so bright when the light in my life no longer remains.

Through the fire I took the steps and endured the heat, that nearly knocked me off my feet. Although my eyes were focused on the prize, I soon realized that what I was seeing was a lie. I then begin to feel the burn now my heart yearns and my mind is forever scorn.

I feel trapped sometimes caught up on hopes and dreams. Wishing upon a star feels so mundane but nothing I do is ordinary it seems. Is life about the greatest passion or are blessings scarce and passed out like rations? I ask myself why do I see the world so DARK? What is the meaning of the journey that I must embark? I AM CONTROLLED BY FEAR, and it consumes every part of me. I more I try to fight the weaker I get sometimes my words slip and I say “I’m sick of this shit!” It’s a constant BATTLE WITHIN and I never know which side will win. So much pain and anguish has caused me to lose so much, love, life, family and friends. Then I back at square one where it all began. It always ends the same just when I think things in my life are starting to become. Instantly I’m left with no one. I ask am I destined to be alone. No answer. Is my LONLINESS my only home?

I’m trapped by these four walls crushed in between no where to move not enough space to breath. I’m accompanied by my blank stare that’s left me in a hole without a moment to spare. I’m drowned by a fantasy that I thought was real but I never really was for me it was only a dream but I once thought dreams came true at least that’s what it seemed. So once again I’m back in this place feeling lost, embarrassed, hurt and disgraced. How did I end up here again, the flaws of heart trying fight to win? I’m now realizing what I want is insane love, passion and desire only ends with pain. So I will lay the rest my warm heart and replace it with the cold, a heart that doesn’t feel or give up control. My mind is preparing battle and I think almost set, to erase all the pain that I’m trying to forget. No more hopes and dreams just cold reality that’s my new theme. I guess once again, my thoughts are confirmed. LIFE IS PAIN end of chapter, ANOTHER LESSON LEARNED!